Despite Nate’s early impressions and previews, the release of Crusader Kings 3 has snuck up on me. This is rather fitting, as CK2 was often a game about blinkering yourself to the looming empires and gathering threats while you took care of local matters you actually stood a chance in. It was already a unique and life-consuming classic before Paradox added one piece of DLC for every person on earth, so it’ll be interesting to see what kind of opinions people will form in the coming months. … [Read more...] about Lock up your courtiers: Crusader Kings 3 is out now
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Around her, the Kingdom of Estonia (for her granddad did do a bit of conquering, in order to raise more giant-wooing money) is in chaos. Because Andyamo never gave two hoots about succession plans, or indeed anything beside copulating with very large women, the land has fractured into something like seven separate states, all intent on beating seven shades of shit out of each other. And because of the sheer number of king-sized kids the dynast inflicted on the local region, and the amount of children they too sired, often with their own kin, virtually every one of these new warlords is employing a small gang of murderous, inbred goliaths. The fields of Estonia, once so peaceful, are now nothing but crazed thunderdomes, echoing with the bellows of huge knights as they batter each others’ enormous bodies with swords. … [Read more...] about I’ve already made an Estonian giant farm in Crusader Kings 3
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Such is the rage of Strong Sancho, that he can’t even contain himself until battle is joined. During the march, he gets on his wooden nokia and barks a series of threats at clergymen until someone imprisons the Archbishop of Castille. He is immediately proclaimed a sinner across Christendom. It is then that the fight starts. Alfonso’s army is twice the size of Sancho’s, and his men are being butchered, thanks to their commander’s decision to attack a mountain pass held by the enemy. But that’s fine by Sancho. In fact, even as he swings his sword at the faces of cudgel-bearing yokels, in a ravine knee-deep in gore, he decides he’s going to get married. Who knows how he accesses Medieval LinkedIn during this pitched battle, but he does, and selects a sadistic, lunatic peasant from the depths of France as his bride. … [Read more...] about How fast can you die in Crusader Kings 3?